Day 2

5:00am - Alarm goes off and a tirade of 4-letter words lets rip from my mouth.........WHY, WHY, WHY!

5:10am - Faff around flat for clean clothes to wear (really need to consider doing laundry some time this month....)

5:15am - Leave home with the most awful dread of torture to come. Drive very slowly hoping to get hijacked.

5:25am - Avoid underground parking as the thought of climbing a stair brings on the shakes.

5:30am - Find Lebo, but no sign of Satan......Wish and pray that he's passed out drunk in bed.....

5:35am - Lebs and I decide to be proactive and jump on piss easy stair machine....hehehehe, Satan would love that!

5:50am - CRAP! Satan arrives, stretched muscle top and all.......oh Lord

5:55am - He declares that today we're doing arms - TOO RIGHT, my legs wouldn't move even if you lit a fire under them!

6:00am - Satan is leading us to the dumbell area crawling with Johny Bravos - crap. This is not going to start or end well.

6:05am - 20 reps! Like what the f*ck????? Whatever happened to that age old adage about starting slow! I start to question Satan's credentials - he clearly knows nothing about this training sh*t.

6:15am - I lose all sense of time and whimper like a puppy as Satan insists I've only done 2 reps. "Why are you moaning about your legs and Lebo isn't" Damn lick-arse Lebo. Contemplate finding a more kindred gym partner.

6:25am - Satan declares we shall be doing abs......uh what's that? He hands me some ball which is so obviously incorrectly marked, 2kg's my ass!

6:35am - It dawns on me that whimpering and sobbing requires energy. Energy which I don't have. I choose to suffer in silence.

6:40am - I think it's over......Wow, I can still stand.....I'll get this fitness thing licked yet! Ha!

6:45am - Satan hands over Starvation Strategy masquerading as Diet Plan. I can no longer hold back the sobs. I think it purges some of the pain.