Mischief and Madness - The Truth about Older Sister

If one were to meet Older Sister now, her air of responsibility and maturity might fool you into thinking that she has always been so – but this is why I am here, to set the record straight!

I introduced Older Sister to you in a previous post, but since the role of that post was to stick her on a pedestal, I may have embellished a little, or omitted some vital facts – so here’s to setting the record straight! (no point sending me hate waves from across the oceans Older Sister – you know you love me)

So, to start off with, I’ll tell you a little story that Mother told me about one of MANY incidents displaying Older Sister’s generally horrendous behaviour. Story goes that she was the local terror, doer of all things mischievous (not surprised really – always knew that all this adult maturity was just over-compensation for past behaviour)

Like most of my stories, twas a lovely Zimbabwean day when the Devil must have possessed Older Sister, aged about 5. Everyone, including Angelic Baby Star was lolling about the house, enjoying the beautiful day and generally being good citizens. Older Sister, obviously bored by the horrible lack of action decided that it would be a great idea to go over to the next-door neighbours place – all well and good really, save for the little small fact that she had no intention whatsoever of actually alerting them to her presence.

So off Older Sister went, across the yard, over the fence and through the neighbour’s back door. The poor victims were having a regular siesta in the back yard, and she slyly let herself in and headed straight for the bathroom. That’s when she proceeded to do the unthinkable……she squarely put the stopper in the sink, opened both taps and watched while the water gushed and ran. As to be expected, it wasn’t too long before the sink was full, whereupon the water started to overflow, splashing onto the bathroom floor. All this Older Sister watched with glee, and once satisfied that her bit was done, she promptly turned on heels and skipped out the door!

It was a full 4 hours before the neighbours (let’s call them Vic 1 and Vic 2) decided to go back into their house. I can imagine the horror that then unfurled:

Vic 1 and 2 open front door, feeling less than perfect courtesy of their sun-worshipping ways

Cue gushing water, waves and waves, regular tsunami!

Vic 1 – “Oh Lordy, what the devil is this?????” (Please remember, Zimbabweans were a colonised people)

Cue more and more water, the occasional floating teddy bear

Vic 2 (this is the female element) – “My home, my home, my lovely couture home!!! Aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh!”

Vic 2 wades into the swamp, all the while bewailing her flooded hardwood floors

Vic 1 – “I’m gonna kill her, I’m gonna skin her, that child is a monster!!” (Vic 1 new Older Sister very well…..)

Vic 2 – “You don’t think that someone actually intentionally did this do you darling? I mean, bless my soul, who would do something so horrendous?” (Vic 2 was sadly very naive…)

Cue Vic 1 marching across the yard, over the fence to my long-suffering parents…….

This is where the details of the story become somewhat fuzzy as apparently Mother finally succumbed to the stress caused by her blasted spawn, and had to be sedated. Father, somewhat out of his depth with all this drama did the honourable thing and opened our home to Vic 1 and 2, while he spent the next week with a mop and vacuum. It was a sad sad time for all, save for, you guessed it, Older Sister! She apparently claimed innocence and denied her actions. It was only after a severe beating that the child finally fessed up, but this didn’t stop her from nearly leading all the neighbourhood kids to a watery grave the very next week. But that’s a story for another day:)