I Wanna Be a Rockstar!!!

I'm sure that everyone at some point and time in their life wanted to be a rockstar - the story usually ends with you growing out of it, and investing your time and energy in more meaningful and attainable pursuits. But not me! I still have very vivid dreams of standing on a stage in front of a 60,000 strong crowd, belting out some tear-jerking ballad while my fingers perform magic on my guitar! (you see, I'm both lead singer and guitarist in my band - no behind the scenes drummer for me)
Anyway, point is, I really truly want to be a rockstar, and not for the oodles of cash and endless groupies, but because it's just so unbelievably cool! The passion, the music, the heart and soul of it all - I can't think of anything better. So, I decided a while ago that if this dream were to ever have a hope of being realised, I shall have to start preparing now (the years, they're unfortunately ticking away)
I compiled a list, which I am slowly working down - here's to being a rock god!

1. Learn to at least look like you play guitar - I have gone one step further, and have actually learnt to play. The fingers, they have bled, and the blisters, they have formed, but what is pain in pursuit of art????


2. Do something radical and interesting with one's hair - I'm ashamed to say that I was well on my way with this requirement, then like the lily-livered goat that I am, I buckled and returned to a state of very normal and thus very boring hair! But have no fear, that shall be easily fixed - watch this space!


3. Wear whatever in hell you please - pay no attention to looks of horror that come your way - I wore a bright blue dashiki to work - nuff said!


4. Indulge in body art - the scare-a-little-child-to-tears kind is always recommended - I'm slacking in this regard. I only have one tattoo! BUT, come tomorrow, I will have 2, wish me luck!


5. Be horribly foul-mouthed (think Irish) - I have come in leaps and bounds! From saying spineless insults like "baffoon", I now have an arsenal of 4-letter words - Colin, even you would drool.


6. Along with swearing like the Irish, drink like the Irish! The more vodkas and whiskeys you can keep down without turning blue, purple and all the rest, the better. Not to be taken lightly, this takes practice, lots and lots of practice.


7. Have a general disdain for rules and regulations - now, I am ashamed to say that I am struggling with this:( For crying out loud, I have a 9-5! I have never told my boss where to shove it, and you can actually count the number of "sick days" I've taken. I'm trying though, really trying!


8. Own endless pairs of denim! Denim is the fabric of pornstars, rock gods and all people generally off centre - wear it with pride, with holes and with detail!


9. And last and least, it may be a good idea to have some sort of musical bone in your body. This however is not a necessity, after all, what are producers for?