Wobbly Bits

I'm one of those rare females: I'm a girls girl and I'm a guys girl. I'm equally comfortable spending endless hours debating the validity of Cosmo's latest "what's hot" survey, as I am having a beer, scratching my balls and yelling obscenities at soccer players on TV. (the futility of the latter concerns me....)
My father having only 3 daughters never treated us much like girls. Whether it was changing car tires (I really loathe this), fishing, or general gadgety-guy-stuff, I was more boy than girl growing up.
Anyway, point is, I wouldn't say I was a typical female in the term's unflattering entirety. This is why it absolutely baffles me when at times I behave like a TYPICAL female - I am off course referring to my wobbly bits. OH THE SHAME! I went through my entire adolescence tying jerseys around my waist in an effort to detract attention from my rather voluptuous derriere. Yes, only now do I realise that this serves to only magnify the size of my arse! Anyway, I have always been self-conscious about my wobbly bits. Above my waist, they're severely lacking, then God went and played a cruel joke and made up for this below!

This is off course undeniably a very "chick" issue - guys for some reason thats beyond me are totally unaware of their physical shortcomings. Be it chicken-esque legs or a distinct beer boep, guys will happily flaunt all that God gave them. To illustrate this point, I'll tell you about an incident that happened a couple of months ago.

Twas a typical Friday night when I was invited to what was supposed to be a house party (read poor excuse for a drink-up). The evening was progressing pretty tamely indoors when for some reason, people decided it would be nice to go for a swim. Now this is where you can refer to all your stereotypes - I'm black, and aside from obligatory hygiene, I don't care too much for water. What, with my hair now being the centre of my universe and all. So off everyone galloped to the pool, and I grudgingly followed, ensuring I kept a safe distance however! With no hesitation whatsoever, all the guys stripped to their knickers, and jumped right in - oh to not care about jingly body parts......I proceeded to grab a chair and settle in to gawk at the site before me, when before I knew it, chair and I were lifted off the ground and I was unceremoniously dumped in the pool. MY HAIR!!!!

After sharing a few choice expletives with my so-called friends, something very strange happened to me. Somewhere in the anals of my logic, something snapped, and I thought, "ah, fuck-it" And you can all guess what I proceeded to do - I took off all my clothes. Now, NEVER would I EVER have thought that one day I would skinny dip, but that fateful night, that is what I decided to do. I must admit though, it was all strangely liberating - you know all that jazz of feeling free and unhibited - I always thought it was a crock, but apparently not.

So, to cut a long story short, the time came when I had to EXIT the pool - now, entry had been fully clothed, and now I was going to have to somehow get out without baring my buttocks to all and sundry!! Everyone was going to see my wobbly bits! Oh the mortification, I did not know what to do. I procrastinated for a while, contemplating staying in the pool till everyone had gone home, but that idea was quickly scratched when it started to look like all the suspect looking men were the ones lingering in the water. So, I braced myself, mustered all the courage I could in a red thong, and gracefully exited the pool. As soon as I could grab a towel, all grace went out the window, and I bolted for the safety of the house, far away from the leering male glances.

To this day, everytime I think of that incident, I want to promptly dig a hole and stick my head in it. It's not that I actually regret doing it, but that all these people saw my wobbly bits in all their glory! Oh the shame.....