Happy Birthday to Me:)

It is official, I have crossed over - no longer can I gaily mention that I am in my "early 20s" when quizzed about my age, for today is the day that the sun rises on the other side of the fence......I have turned 26. But contrary to my earlier belief that the day I hit this dreaded age I would steadily start sliding towards geriatric-dom, I'm absolutely loving it.

It may have something to do with the gifts, the calls and the general attention I'm getting, but honestly, I'm not really feeling too phased about being a year older. So what better time to sit and take stock of my 26 years on planet earth.....it's been a roller-coaster ride thus far, and as far as I am concerned, the end is nowhere in sight!

Age 4

• I enter pre-school filled with ridiculous fear of all the strange people around me. By day 2 I loathe one of my teachers. Who raps a 4 year old over the knuckles for dipping her paintbrush in the blue paint "before" washing out the red!


• Details of pre-school year all a big blurr of nap-time, art time and general raucous time. Spend most of my days dreaming of "big-kids" school.

Age 5

• GRADE ONE HERE I COME! Can hardly contain the excitement of it all - who is this gorgeous lady called Mrs Yin?? Far cry from pre-school abusive devil!


• A STAR is born - Mrs Yin, bless her soul - saw my potential from an early age. As you can see, the name has stuck!

Age 6

• I'm forced to leave Mrs Yin and move clear across the country - I shall never know happiness again.

Age 8

• Yet another new school - for someone still 2 years shy of a decade, I have an impressive arsenal of friends across the entire country. I learn to adapt to the instability and ever changing environment. I can teach any chameleon a few tricks.

Age 10

• New school - I do believe this is number 4......maybe 5, not too sure. Don't know if I really fit in here - lots of farmer's kids.........I hear something about horse riding lessons - YAY. Oh...apparently you need your own horse, BOO!

Age 12

• This has to be the most traumatic year of my life. I've gotten into my dream high-school. I'm all set to go. All my friends are going there - life is gonna be sweeeeeeeeet. But alas, Mother and Father sit me down and tell me about finances that won't allow. I cry - okay, understatement of the year, I WAIL. I think I know what disappointment is all about.

Age 13

• High School - co-ed nogal! I rekindle with old friends (all that crossing the country earlier helped) I mourn what my life "should-have" been though. But alas, life must go on....who is that lovely boy with the mop of hair........

Age 13 and 1/2

• I officially become "a woman" - what junk!

Age 14

• Oh HAPPY DAYS, I get to move to my dream school after all.....oh my gosh who are all these mean b*tches???? I want my lovely boys back:(

Age 16

• O Levels - the beginning of a loooooong exam writing phase. I discover that I am queen crammer and learner of absolutely NOTHING! Well, seems to work anywho.

Age 18

• All in a whirlwind, exams are over and I'm hearing stuff about "your best days are over" etc etc. SCREW THAT - bring on Cape Town!!

Age 18

• Oh my gosh, varsity, oh my gosh......

Age 19

• I HOWL and WAIL and declare that I shall never be happy again- my broken heart feels like it will never heal. What the h*ll is this????? I can't believe how much it hurts.


• I lose a ridiculous amount of weight due my inability to eat or sleep (and the fact that I can hardly stop sobbing long enough to chew anything)

Age 20

• Heart is still in tiny pieces but I choose to pack it away and dedicate my life to Buddhism instead - lasts a couple of months at least.

Age 21

• Wow - graduation already?? What the f*ck???

Age22

• Back at varsity for honours - damn!

Age 22

• Okay....remember all that stuff I said about wanting to become financially dependant and what not??? Well, I take it back - I am gripped with mortal fear at the thought of moving tot a strange new town with a strange new language:(

Age 23

• I somehow manage to slide into a dangerous depression courtesy of the foreign language, new job and foreign people. I feel really alone and my melodrama lands me in hospital with stress induced migraines.


• Realise that I am now an adult and need to start being a self-sufficient human being. Make a conscious decision to stop the self-pitying and negativity - it's unproductive.

Age 24

• What is this???? I do believe Durban is growing on me!! I'm even eating hot curries and all and all and all.

Age 25

• HELLO EGOLI!! City of Gold I have arrived!


• What the h*ll - when does the madness stop???? Ever heard of "quiet weekend at home, ALONE!!!"


• Live in mortal fear of being hi-jacked or robbed.......ummm....not too sure how healthy all of this is..........ummmmm, Durban wasn't so bad was it?????

Age 26

• And here we are today! Older, wiser and generally all round more fabulous! haha, here's to 26 more.

Narcissim.....what exactly is the problem???

For those of you resident in the Republic of SA, you'll be familiar with one David Bullard. Part Sunday Times columnist, part car enthusiast among other things, he's generally hysterical and always politically incorrect. I'm a avid fan of his Out to Lunch column purely because the man really says all those awful things many are thinking, and he does it sooooooooooo unapologetically - oh to have to such balls......

But anyway, well, I happened to stumble upon an article he had written for Empire magazine (really great business mag by the way) on blogging and bloggers alike. If I were to say he was scathing, I would be too kind - the man did what he does best - he let rip. I've never laughed so much.
The opening statement to the article was as follows:

"Earlier this year David Bullard incensed the blogosphere by calling its adherents a bunch of drivel-spewing no-hopers who couldn't get laid. The forore resulted in him trying out his own blog, which he has recently dropped as a complete waste of time. He stands by all his original comments."

Avid blogger or not - you have to agree with me - this is a brilliantly articulated insult - you can't help but laugh. I thoroughly enjoyed the article, but I have to add that he sorely missed the point of the whole blogging craze. We're all self-absorbed beings who crave a platform for attention - I see no shame in this whatsoever. My blog allows me to feel like my life, mundane or otherwise is important and interesting. Plainly put, I blog merely to feed my narcissim! I write about....well.. whatever the h*ll I want to write about, and for no fee whatsoever, I'm essentially published to the world! It really doesn't get better than that!

So to Mr Bullard, I say give the "Bullog" another go - and not from the stance of some substantial and significant journalistic effort, but simply because it's just plain and simple pure unadulterated fun.

Everything's Changing.......

I'll skip the usual excuses about why I haven't updated my blog since circa 1900's.

It's been a very hectic past couple of weeks for me. I have resigned. Yes, I hear the whispers of JOB HO being flung around, but honestly, I had no intention whatsoever of being promiscuous, it all just kinda happened! I was actually head hunted by a competitor company, and they waved dollar bills and a promotion in my face, and well.....I kinda grabbed it. Myopic? Not really - I actually agonised and conferred with many an individual on the merits of the position, and I think I am happy with my decision. New job is presenting some potentially horrendous challenges, but knowing myself the way I do, unless someone shoves me into it, I'll never do it!

I am scared, apprehensive, giddy and excited in all the same breath. I think the blender of emotions exacerbated the nasty case of gastro I managed to pick up as well! (will detail that in another blog......twas highly unpleasant...)

So, come January 2008, shall be learning new names, new processes, new company bullsh*t and experiencing a whole bunch of new office politics.....dontcha just love the corporate world:) Wish me luck.

Le Weekend....(is that even French???)

Tis Monday afternoon, and as usual I am bored titless so thought it may be a good idea to tell you all about my weekend (not that it was particularly amazing or anything, but hey!)

So incase you're the last person on the planet who doesn't know that my laziness is much akin to a comatose sloth, I am HORRIBLY lazy. As is to be expected, this laziness spans across all types of work, viz. paid employment, housework, exercise, basically anything that requires concentration or expenditure of energy. Now combine this shocking behaviour with the fact that I have no maid and you're headed for a rather dodgy situation.......(I do draw the line at basic hygiene though!)

Yes, yes, I shall get to the point - what's the connection between my laziness and supposed "weekend download"? Well, I spent my ENTIRE friday night ironing!!! I can't expresss or convey to you how much I loathe ironing, but I had no choice. The pile of unironed clothes covering my entire bedroom floor was getting a tad bit out of control. There was no more floor to walk on, and digging through that mess every morning in search of a shirt was getting rather tedious.

The ironing had to be done.

I wanted to cry, contemplated buying an entirely new wardrobe, but quickly remembered that I was skint and didn't have 2 rands to rub together. Twas a loooooong and painful night, which ended way past the witching hour. The pain has been burned in my mind.

After a complete dud of a Friday night, Saturday could only get better. In some fit of utter madness, I had pledged to cook lunch for a bunch of friends of mine.........dumb idea - I think I am going to be evicted from my flat.

The darkies, they came, they chowed, and most importantly, they made the most god-awful NOISE!!!I can not believe that less than 20 people could actually make such a racket - between the singing, the TV, the random yelling and the radio, I would understand if my neighbours signed a petition to have me forcibly removed. But noise aside, I have to admit, I had an absolute hoot. I have idiots for friends, but then again, what's that lark about birds of a feather and whatnot.....

Woke up on Sunday with my little shoebox looking like Hurricane David had strolled through.......remembered why I never do that hosting nonsense! Sped off to the lake and attempted to do a couple of laps, but the combination of a rather painful wrist (please don't ask what I did to it) and a dubious blood alcohol level conspired against me. Ended up spending the afternoon watching the latest soft-porn series to grace our TV screens, The Tudors! Oh what fun!

All in all, a good weekend - how could it not be with great food friends and booze:)

Facebook-less:(

So I think it is official. I must be the sole person this side of the milky way who's not on Facebook. I don't like it - I feel left out:( Now before you go and ask the obvious, there are two fundamental reasons why I have not been "poked" and don't rush home to read messages on my "wall". One is, the fact that my employers are certified kill-joys whose sole raison d'etre is to detract all joy from my life. FIREWALL FROM HELL. Two is the fact that the same said employers are stingy and won't pay me more so I can afford internet at home. Yes, it is a sad state of being.

So next time you rush home to do your daily stalking of that cute guy "somebody-once-introduced-to-you-way-back-when", think of me, longing for someone to poke me.

Another Step to RockStardom!!!

So, if you ever pay attention to my ramblings, you are fully aware of my rockstar ambitions! I compiled a list a while ago on the necessary steps to take if this dream was to ever be realised. Well, somewhere in that list was the issue of "anything-but-ordinary" hair. I was dismally failing in this dept, but not so after this Saturday!!!

Yes, close your mouths, I cut, and I do mean CUT my hair! Was horribly bored with all it's normality, so Saturday morning I made my way to what is now my favourite hair salon and declared that someone must CUT MY HAIR!!

A fantastic gentleman by the name of George rose to the occasion, and I am now sporting a decidedly interesting "wanna-be-but-not-quite mohawk" YAY!!

It's long on top and practically non-existent on the sides, and my head in all it's oddly round glory has nowhere to hide:) But who cares, I'm loving it, and it's a darn site more rock and roll than that tame do I've been sporting for the past couple of months - HURRAH for George!

I must say though, I do get the odd shock each time I walk pass a mirror - I mean REALLY, my head is REALLY round!!

So next week I shall go back to my new BF George to complete the next step to ultimate rockstardom - OUTRAGEOUS COLOUR - wish me luck:)

P.S I know you're all dying for a photo - don't worry, you shant have to wait long!

Gorgeousness and Fabulousness:)

So, I've just received some updated pics of my fabulous niece and nephew, and have essentially spent the last hour and a half staring in awe at their gorgeousness. Nosy work collegues who "occassionally" glance at my PC have declared that I am obsessed. I must say, I can't disagree! I pondered a little more though as to why I am so utterly fascinated with the little beauts, then it hit me - they look like me!!!

Okay okay, I know you're all rolling your eyes in disgust at my self-obsession, but honestly, I kid you not, Tereese in particular is the spitting image of Baby Star! What with all that gorgeous hair and huge eyes, there's really no denying! I know you're all unbelievers, so I shall go and dig up some Baby Star photos, and post them - just you wait and see!

Welcome to The World Tereese and Christopher

I have been telling anyone who cares to listen, so I may as well share my excitement with strangers on the www. I am now officially Aunt to one lovely young lady and dashing young man, who shall be known to all and sundry as Tereese and Christopher Sakala.

Yes, Older Sister Nyaru has finally popped and the twins are now dwellers of Planet Earth. Being premies and all, they’re super tiny, which just goes to add to their overall gorgeousness and fabulousness. I’ve become extremely unproductive as I find myself staring at their 1st pics every chance I get. I guess I just can’t believe that they’re real! Am totally in love and I think it’s only going to get worse.

The Struggle Continues.....*sniff*....*sniff*

4:20am - Alarm goes off……..Why Lord, WHY must I get up at this ungodly hour!!

4:40am – Literally DRAG my feet around the flat looking for ironed clothes. This lack of housework thing has got to stop.

4:50am – Am off. I no longer have usual feeling of dread. I have come to accept my punishment for years of lethargy and gluttony.

5:00am – Kindred spirit Lebo has abandoned me I feel lost and alone. What will Satan do to me now that he has me all to himself.

5:05am – Satan has declared that it’s time for a weigh-in.
Oh crap.

5:10am – May the ground please open up and swallow me whole. The scale HAS NOT BUDGED!!! Oh Lord, Satan’s look of disgust is burning holes in my flesh! He’s screaming something about the Starvation Strategy that he handed out a couple of weeks ago.
I kinda stuck to it…..I think I am doomed to be portly

5:15am – Satan is now in a very foul mood. He keeps muttering something about his reputation…embarrassment….shall be punished. He’s rather incoherent, but I’m getting the gist of it.
Crap.

5:20am – I’m hauling 8kgs of steel plus my healthy body weight up and down some stairs. The tears are freely flowing – Lord please take me now.

5:40am – Satan is now mumbling something about his girlfriend cheating or what nots……. GREAT, that coupled with the stupid scales inability to lie is gonna cause me grievous bodily harm!!

5:50am – I can’t breath…..I’m convinced I’m having a cardiac episode. I’m not ready to die!!!!

5:55am – Satan has decided that maybe screaming might not be the right way to get through to me. He’s now attempting to lecture me on the importance of not gorging on spare ribs and pizza.
Don’t I freakin WISH that I had been gorging on such! Freakin useless bran flakes.

6:00am – Bikini body is looking like a mirage again - I FEEL all svelte, but apparently am not. Guess the struggle continues.

Black Blacker Blackness - Part Deux!!

Day 3

• 
  No sleep to be had all of last night. Make mental note to self not to sleep at groom’s house in future! Constant stream of inebriated men kept coming through the door!
• 
  Drag self out of bed wondering when next I’ll have the luxury of sleep.
  Decide to play good sis and cook brekkie – I amaze myself really.
• 
  Hightail it to Mother-in-Laws for wash as Grooms place is now overrun with Groomsmen embracing their metrosexuality.
• 
  After much fussing and primping, everyone finally piles into one car or the other and head towards Civic Centre for ceremony
• 
  Bride is looking radiant and airbrushed……must ask how she did that!
• 
  Heat is taking its toll……Hunters Dry…..gimme a Hunters Dry.
• 
  Ceremony is over and bridal party makes themselves known on the streets of Lusaka……make mental note to self to avoid ever driving with overzealous cousin!
• 
  We all head over to fancy lodge for pretty pics. I hightail it to bar for Hunters Dry………………argh……that ad was soooooooooooo right!
• 
  Father and I are thoroughly enjoying the ales and loath to leave for lunch or whatever it is we’re being told we must partake in! Boo!
• 
  Head home for lunch…maybe not such a bad idea. What do they say about drinking and empty stomachs….
• 
  PARTY!!! Reception time – the best part of any wedding!
• 
  “Waiter!!! Bring me some wine….in fact, make that a bottle”
• 
  So much for big piss-up – am being forced to baby-sit drunken juveniles!
• 
  Plenty gyrating taking place on the dance floor – wow….must take notes.
• 
  Reception comes to end way past midnight. Good party. Good party.

Black, Blacker, BLACKNESS!!

So, am finally back in Jozi and at work after what was quite a long hiatus. Am not to happy about the work bit, but am loving being back in my little shoebox flat! For those who don't know, I've been gallivanting around the bush for the past 2 weeks - the sand has literally crawled under my skin! But dirt and heat aside, I had a pretty good time. Quite characteristically, I am too lazy to give a detailed download, so shall give you the shotgun version!

Day 1

• Catch a very comfortable ride to the airport courtesy of Tempest Transfers - were it not for the the obviously inebriated driver, would have been an equally enjoyable journey!


• Get to airport nice and early (I don't do tardy) - realise that the international terminal has no atms....way to go ACSA!!


• Lug Pedro (him and I are joined at the hip) to the domestic terminal in search of dollar bills. I am not amused, it is rather far.


• Make way back to international with still an hour to spare (oh the beauty of being early)


• AMAZING - departure is right on time....wow, BA may not be a crock of shite airline after all!


• Ingest suspect looking lasagne.......contemplate why chicken is looking somewhat purple, but hunger and greed get the better of me.


• Land in Harare to a bright and sunshiny Zimbabwean afternoon.


• Hugs and kisses all around with Mr and Mrs K........Mr K is feeling rather brave and decides to pass rude comments about my weight........if looks could kill Father dear......


• Go in search of food....wow....there is none to be found anywhere. My heart breaks as I wonder how people are managing to survive.


• Drive home with rumbling stomach - Mr K convinces me that there are pros to living in the sticks - FOOD!


• Get home, and what do you know - no electricity - I mutter some shocking curses - Mother flashes some filthy looks my way.


• Rest of day is spent lolling around the house and chasing somewhat touched dog, Scooby.


• An early night as I prepare for scorching hot drive to Lusaka tomorrow.

Day 2

• Up bright and early and guess what.....NO ELECTRICITY!!! Too weak to curse, so hightail it to shower before water runs cold!


• Can't be arsed to boil water, so ingest stodgy cold oats. I don't recommend this.


• All packed after much fussing by Mother about what I am wearing to the wedding......some things never change.


• Jump into car and off we go to drop Mother at the airport. Father who breaks out in a sweat at the sight of a plane has opted to drive to Lusaka, and me being the good daughter I am could hardly let him go it alone....DAMN!


• We drop Mother off, and start the long drive to land of the Zambians - ROAD TRIP!!


• HEAT HEAT and more HEAT!!!!!


• With the petrol situation in Zim the way it is, air con is a luxury - oh Lord, melting is not a way to go!


• Rumble up to Chirundu with temperatures soaring around 40......must....get....water.......


• BORDER HELL!!! What is wrong with the minions who work there????? I want to scream "FLAMING EEJIT" but I bite my tongue and practice sending vudu vibes.


• More harassment!! What the h*ll????


• After much drama and sweat and a few tears, we cross the border and officially enter land of the Zambians.


• I'm confused - why does there seem to be roving foreign exchange guys milling around flapping francs, dollars and rands at me........strange, very strange.


• Long drive in the dark to Lusaka - Father declares that he's dorping all the way, so I am forced to brave the endless trucks and tractors and drive:(


• Arrive at the in-laws and met with much festivity - I just need a bed - someone hand me a pillow.

Okay, no surprise, laziness has set in! So download to be continued in another post! Later all:)

I think I can, I think I can!!

5:00am - Rudely disrupted from what was an abnormally peaceful sleep. Confusion of it all causes me to fall out of bed - crap.

5:10am - No faffing. Packed change of clothes night before.........see, I'm not all just good looks!

5:20am - Panic sets in as late night phonecall from Satan comes back to haunt me.
Satan - "I checked your gym access card. The last time you went to gym was last week Thursday"
Star - "Sh*t"
Satan - "I'm going to make you suffer tomorrow - be prepared"

5:25am - I contemplate punturing a tyre.

5:35am - Phonecall from Satan as I drive into the torture chamber - something about him running late and that we should do 15minutes of the treadmill instead......wonder if you can doctor the time on those things......

5:40am - Eager Beaver Lebs is already hard at work on piss easy stair contraption. Burst her bubble with news of 15minutes of huffing on treadmill. She curses something about having been on stair contraption for 10 minutes already...hehehehe

5:45am - Damn onset of Summer - every man and his canine is in the gym. Forced to wait for free machine.

5:50am - Finally get machine. Cleverly decide to take it easy while Satan is still away.....must prepare for what awaits me:(

6:00am - He arrives - I whimper a prayer.

6:05am - Satan whips out rope - does he want to strangle me???? Ohhhhhh, he's saying something skipping - I can do that.

6:10am - It's all a whirlwind, punching, jumping, crunching....but something is wrong.......I don't hear any sobbing or the occasional scream. I'm not getting odd looks from fellow gym goers either......HANG ON, I do believe I heard the words, "I'm impressed" from Satan!! I think I've passed out.

6:20am - One, two, lunge, three, four lunge! Legs aren't even buckling! hehehehe, what's my name!

6:25am - Lebo is swearing at me.....something to the effect of, "can you calm the f*ck down!" Hmmm, such rudeness. I contemplate finding a more kindred gym partner!

6:45am - Aaaaaarrrrgh, stretch feels so good - my mind wanders, picturing my oh-so-svelte body sashaying down some pristine beach in a barely-there bikini..........aaarrrgh

Day 2

5:00am - Alarm goes off and a tirade of 4-letter words lets rip from my mouth.........WHY, WHY, WHY!

5:10am - Faff around flat for clean clothes to wear (really need to consider doing laundry some time this month....)

5:15am - Leave home with the most awful dread of torture to come. Drive very slowly hoping to get hijacked.

5:25am - Avoid underground parking as the thought of climbing a stair brings on the shakes.

5:30am - Find Lebo, but no sign of Satan......Wish and pray that he's passed out drunk in bed.....

5:35am - Lebs and I decide to be proactive and jump on piss easy stair machine....hehehehe, Satan would love that!

5:50am - CRAP! Satan arrives, stretched muscle top and all.......oh Lord

5:55am - He declares that today we're doing arms - TOO RIGHT, my legs wouldn't move even if you lit a fire under them!

6:00am - Satan is leading us to the dumbell area crawling with Johny Bravos - crap. This is not going to start or end well.

6:05am - 20 reps! Like what the f*ck????? Whatever happened to that age old adage about starting slow! I start to question Satan's credentials - he clearly knows nothing about this training sh*t.

6:15am - I lose all sense of time and whimper like a puppy as Satan insists I've only done 2 reps. "Why are you moaning about your legs and Lebo isn't" Damn lick-arse Lebo. Contemplate finding a more kindred gym partner.

6:25am - Satan declares we shall be doing abs......uh what's that? He hands me some ball which is so obviously incorrectly marked, 2kg's my ass!

6:35am - It dawns on me that whimpering and sobbing requires energy. Energy which I don't have. I choose to suffer in silence.

6:40am - I think it's over......Wow, I can still stand.....I'll get this fitness thing licked yet! Ha!

6:45am - Satan hands over Starvation Strategy masquerading as Diet Plan. I can no longer hold back the sobs. I think it purges some of the pain.

Masochism - A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

5:00am - Alarm goes off. It's pitch black outside and I am seriously starting to question the importance of that bikini body.....after all, arern't all those self-help books always waxing lyrical about loving the skin you're in and whatnot? Alas, I've kinda already committed to this training thing so I drag myself out of bed.

5:30am - I am still faffing around my flat looking for shoes and make-up - I hate this showering at the gym thing - Those buff types tend to constantly be suffering from Athlete's Foot........(I add another con to my "reasons not to exercise" list)

5:45am - Where's my cellphone, f*ck, I'm gonna be late - where the hell is my phone????

5:50am - I careen down a relatively empty road hoping no eejit pedestrian dare stumble into the road. I hate pedestrians.

6:00am - Left my glasses in the car. Can't see a thing - desperately search for Lebs and Personal Trainer (I shall call him Satan)

6:02am - Lebs notices me stumbling around like a lost puppy (what a good friend) Go downstairs and Satan is waiting for us - all too eager to inflict punishment......

6:05am - Satan has put us on some stair climbing contraption. Hmmmmm, this is rather piss easy....ha! So much for personal trainer whatnot!

6:20am - 15 minutes of silly machine - haven't even broken a sweat! Move aside for G.I Star please!

6:25am - OH LORD! Is this what being shot feels like???? Can you break a muscle? I'm sure you can - mine is definately broken! Satan keeps insisting I keep lifting my legs! He has me on some quad (thats thigh muscles for all you ignoramuses!) machine and I'm sure I'm lifting 100kg - possibly even 150! I scream. Satan tells me I'm scaring the other clients. Scaring the other clients my ass....OH MY ASS! IT PAINS!

6:40am - I'm sure our hour training time is up! Satan is barking some order about squats...huh? I'm a tad bit delirious from the lack of oxygen flowing to my brain....I think I may hurl.

6:50am - I'm trying desperately to kick some bag.......Lord please take me now - I doubt there's bags to be kicked in heaven...

6:55am - Satan asks us what is it we've been doing at the gym for the past couple of years. What a stupid question - who goes to gym to actually work out. I think all those muscles are suffocating Satan's brain....

7:00am - I think it's over.....Can't be sure though, maybe I've just passed out.......leave me here please.

7:05am - I nearly fall down the stairs. Satan is mumbling something about seeing us on Thursday - yeah right. Wild dogs wouldn't be able to drag me here again! Lebo admonishes me for my lack of committment. Do I want that bikini body or not? I shed a tear.

7:10am - I sign some form. I am a fool. I think it said something about 12 sessions with Satan. You think a aneurism might get me out of this?

Burn Baby Burn!

So, I may have begged borrowed and stolen, but come December, Nyash and I will be running around Time Square like nauseating tourists, and then baking our black behinds on every beach we can find in The Cayman Islands! Yay - move over bourgeosie, the darkies are gonna be in town! Am so excited, I can't actually think about much else. But once all the travel arrangements were all set in stone, I did have a rather frightening realisation - my wobbly bits are far from bikini ready! But not to panic, a Virgin Active intervention is now underway. I begged borrowed and stole some more, and I now have a rather buff and mean looking personal trainer. Chosen purely for his frightening snarl, if he fails to whip this arse into string bikini shape, then I'm afraid, no one can. Torture and bootyliciousness begins tomorrow:( Keep you posted!